PREFACE: Dear audience, it is my pleasure to present to you an artifact of my early days as a writer; my first completed screenplay from way back in 2006. I made several attempts at writing a screenplay prior to this project, but they were all failures. Determined to complete a full-length project no matter what, I set my sights on a mediocre comedy about an aspiring director, and how he mistakenly enters the world of pornography in pursuit of his cinematic-dreams. I never had any plans on selling the screenplay or producing it myself, since first-time scripts about aspiring directors struggling to get their movies made are a dime a dozen, but even if this story’s final form is only that of a screenplay, it still deserves to be be shared in spite of its amateur flaws…it is notably different from my current work in the horror-genre, but I hope you find it to be an interesting precursor regardless.
-The Squid
MedioCORE
Or
How Misfortune Made Martin Moyer's Movie-Career
By Sid the Squid
INT-KITCHEN-DAY
RYAN walks in the door. He is in his early twenties, and has dark hair. He is playing the part of ALEX. JENNA is standing by the stove tending a pan. She is in her early twenties, and has dark hair. She is playing the part of ASHLEY. MARTIN MOYER is standing in the back of the room with a camera, filming everything but is not shown on screen. Martin is an amateur film-maker with blonde hair. Ryan and Jenna speak their scripted lines without much emotion or intonation.
JENNA
How was your day?
RYAN
How do you think my day was?
JENNA
Was it bad?
Ryan doesn't even move to respond, he just stares at Jenna.
JENNA CONT.
It was bad, right...you had a bad day?
RYAN
Could we not talk about it?
JENNA
Why don't you want to talk about it?
RYAN
Is it a crime these days to keep to yourself? What if I just don't want to talk about it?
JENNA
Isn't it bad to keep that stuff bottled up?
RYAN
Where do you come up with this mumbo-jumbo?
JENNA
I was just trying to be helpful, wasn't I?
RYAN
…Have you been drinking again?
JENNA
(looking down into the pan)
What do you care?
RYAN
(sighing)
Why do you do this to yourself?
JENNA
What else is there for me to do all day while you're gone?
RYAN
(pointing to himself)
So this is about me now?
Jenna leaves the pan and walks over to the table in the middle of the room, sitting down at a chair. Ryan walks over to the table, looking down at Jenna.
RYAN CONT.
Hey, what's the matter?
JENNA
Do I really need to tell you?
RYAN
Must we play these games?
Jenna doesn't say anything, she simply stares at the tablecloth.
RYAN CONT.
Are you just going to leave that pan burning on the stove?
JENNA
You never let up, do you?
RYAN
Look, what's the problem? What do you want from me?
JENNA
Are you happy?
Ryan thinks for a few moments.
RYAN
(smiling)
Of course I am…we're in the middle of an argument, aren't we?
JENNA
Is that supposed to be a joke?
RYAN
You didn't think it was funny?
JENNA
What do you think?
RYAN
Do you always have to use sarcasm? Can't I ever have a normal conversation with you?
JENNA
You want a normal conversation, huh? Alright, how was your day?
Ryan sits down at the table with a smile on his face. Jenna looks up and meets his eyes.
RYAN
Do you mind if I ask you a question?
JENNA
Yes?
MARTIN
(off-screen)
Cut.
Ryan and Jenna go slack and face toward the camera looking at Martin.
RYAN
Was something wrong?
MARTIN
Jenna, that last line didn't end with a question mark.
JENNA
What? This whole script is questions.
MARTIN
Not that line. You're not implying yes as in yes, what is the question. You're denying him the privilege of asking you a question.
JENNA
But then he asks it anyway.
MARTIN
Exactly.
RYAN
Listen Marty, are you seriously trying to turn this into a film? This is probably the most boring every-day type-shit ever.
MARTIN
Ryan-
RYAN
I mean, I don't want to have to say this to you since I gotta live with you, but the script's boring. It's just two people talking in one room. Nothing happens in it at all…except at the end, and even then it’s nothing special.
MARTIN
Hey, this is my first attempt at a short film. I'll get better as I go along. Besides, this isn't a high-budget venture...your camcorder shoots straight to VHS.
JENNA
Do you want to try again...I can get it right this time.
MARTIN
(looking at watch)
We can fit in a few more takes before I have to go in to work. Would you mind giving me a lift down to Valu-Mart after we finish?
RYAN
No problem. What're you doing after work?
MARTIN
Why? You aren't going to another one of those lame frat parties, are you?
RYAN
Hey, it's cheaper than the bar.
MARTIN
Thanks, but I'll pass.
EXT-VALU MART-DAY
ESTABLISHING SHOT: Wide-angle shot pointed up at the storefront of Valu-Mart grocery-store
INT-VALU MART-DAY
Martin is mopping a grocery aisle, zoning out.
CASHIER
(over intercom)
Price check; four-ounce bottle of Maximum-strength Robitussin.
An elderly woman is walking by Martin with a basket full of groceries. She slips and falls, and her groceries scatter everywhere. Martin stops mopping and stares at her for a second.
MARTIN
Are you alright ma'am?
She doesn’t respond, lying there with closed eyes. He uses the end of the mop handle to poke her, and her eyes fly wide open.
FALLEN WOMAN
(in pain)
Arggg! I busted my ass!
MARTIN
Did you break anything?
FALLEN WOMAN
(angry)
I’ll break you punk! Where are the slippery-floor signs!
MARTIN
They're out being updated so that they say Slippery-When-Wet in twenty-four languages.
FALLEN WOMAN
(wimpering)
Oh, my poor busted ass…
MR. SHERMAN
(off-screen)
Martin!
Martin looks up and sees his manager, MR. SHERMAN, a balding man wearing an tie.
MARTIN
Hey, Mr. Sherman.
MR. SHERMAN
My Office! Now!
Mr. Sherman walks away, and Martin drops the mop-handle. He looks up the aisle and sees a blonde girl doing her shopping. Their eyes meet for a second, then the girl looks away…this girl is KRISTEN.
INT-MR. SHERMAN'S OFFICE-CONTINUOS
Martin is seated in a chair across from a desk. Mr. Sherman walks behind the desk and sits down.
MR. SHERMAN
Martin, before I begin, do you have anything to say about yourself?
MARTIN
Do you mind if I go on break? I haven't taken mine yet.
CUT TO:
INT-BAR-NIGHT
Martin is drinking in a bar. He has just been fired from his job. The bartender notices that Martin seems down on his luck, and tries to strike up a conversation with him.
BARTENDER
What's eating you Marty?
MARTIN
(setting down his drink)
Old-man Sherman axed me today.
BARTENDER
(in a sympathetic tone)
Tough cuts, tough cuts.
MARTIN
I was saving up for a digital camera too.
The man sitting next to Martin looks over at him.
BARTENDER
What are you gonna do now?
MARTIN
I don't know…are you looking for any help at the moment?
BARTENDER
From you? Are you kidding? You're in here at least half the days out of the week.
MARTIN
So?!
BARTENDER
I've found that business and alcoholism don't mix, especially in a business like this.
MARTIN
I'm not an alcoholic!
BARTENDER
Easy Marty…you're getting a little out of control.
MARTIN
What?! This is only my third drink!
BARTENDER
(yelling off-screen for Security)
Brandon!
EXT-BAR-NIGHT
A heavyset man named BRANDON throws Martin out the bar-door. He lands hard, and takes his time getting up. He leans against the brick front of the bar and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. A man's voice speaks to him from behind.
MAN
(off-screen)
Bad day?
Martin opens his eyes and laughs to himself. He looks over at the man, and sees that it was the man sitting next to him at the bar. This is DON McGRENDAHL, a movie-producer. He is tall middle-aged man with a goatee and dark hair wearing a dark suit.
MARTIN
It's a good start at one.
McGRENDAHL
(sticking out his hand)
I'm Don...Don McGrendahl.
MARTIN
(shaking McGrendahl's hand)
I'm Martin Moyer.
McGRENDAHL
I'm sorry about eavesdropping, but I couldn't help but overhear you in the bar.
MARTIN
Yeah man, just got fired from my job earlier today.
McGRENDAHL
(arching his brow for a moment)
That's not what I was getting at.
MARTIN
Huh?
McGRENDAHL
Do you know anything about filmmaking?
MARTIN
You mean like...directing?
McGrendahl simply looks at Martin
MARTIN CONT.
(stuttering)
Y-yeah, I know a little. I just started experimenting with my roommate's camcorder.
McGRENDAHL
Do you have any material you could show me?
MARTIN
Yeah, sure. I've got this script I've been working on-
McGRENDAHL
Script?
MARTIN
Yeah, it's called The Kiss.
McGRENDAHL
(laughing)
I don't read scripts! Do you have any footage you could show me?
MARTIN
I shot some today, but it's not finished.
McGRENDAHL
I just need a sample to see if you've got what I'm looing for.
MARTIN
(confused)
What is all this about anyway?
McGrendahl hands Martin his business card. It says DON McGRENDAHL / FOCAL LENGTH FILMS / 555-9236 / “Where film is just another four-letter word.” Martin stares at it, then puts it in his pocket.
McGRENDAHL
I've found myself in a bit of a pinch. I've entered my studio into a film-festival, and lined up a cast and crew, and then at the last minute the director dropped out. I need someone who can handle short-deadline filmmaking.
MARTIN
Short-deadline?
McGRENDAHL
The film festival is in a little over a month.
MARTIN
That's not enough time to shoot and edit a movie.
McGRENDAHL
Nonsense. That's more than enough time.
MARTIN
(shrugging his shoulders)
If you say so...my house is nearby if you still want to check out my tape.
They both begin walking down the sidewalk.
McGRENDAHL
Actually, do you mind if I borrow it?
INT-RYAN'S BEDROOM-NIGHT
There is a knock on the door and after a second it opens. Martin enters the dark room.
MARTIN
(keeping his voice low)
Ryan, are you in here? Ryan?
Martin creeps across the dark vacant room and spots the video-camera. The cassette door of the camera is hanging open, and it is empty. Martin begins looking around for the tape, and spots two VHS cassettes on top of Ryan's VCR. He grabs the top cassette and reads the label. It says: ME & JENNA.
MARTIN
(to himself)
This must be it.
Martin makes his way through the dark room with the tape in his hand and exits. Martin shuts the door; CUT TO BLACK.
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-MORNING
ONSCREEN TEXT: THE NEXT DAY
Martin is lying in his bed, and is woken by the ringing of his cell phone. He looks at the clock and sees that it is 7:38. He sits up in bed, winces and brings a hand to his forehead before answering the phone.
MARTIN
(groggily)
Hello?
McGRENDAHL
Martin, hello. This is Mr. McGrendahl. I watched your tape last night, and I gotta say, you got the goods. How would you like to direct for Focal Length Films?
Martin is silent for a few moments.
MARTIN
Damn, you ARE in a rush to make this movie.
McGRENDAHL
Short-deadline you know. Tick-tock and all that. Do you think you could start tomorrow?
MARTIN
…Sure.
McGRENDAHL
Fantastic. I can run a copy of the scene-list down to your house tonight-if you’re not doing anything, and we can work out the business-end of things. I can also give you directions to the studio.
MARTIN
That sounds great.
McGRENDAHL
I'll see you later tonight then…around nine-ish?
MARTIN
Nine, sure.
McGRENDAHL
Later.
MARTIN
Bye.
Martin hangs up the phone, stands up and looks himself in the mirror, cracking a smile.
INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Martin walks into the kitchen, and sees Ryan sitting at the table eating cereal.
MARTIN
What's up?
RYAN
(munching on cereal)
Getting ready to go to class.
Martin gets a bowl out of the cupboard and sits down at the table, pouring himself some cereal and milk. The two of them are silent for a while.
RYAN
You didn't need that job anyway.
MARTIN
What?
RYAN
Valu-Mart. You were the king of that place…they should’ve changed the name to Marty-Mart.
(Martin doesn’t respond)
Look, you’ve only been out of college for a year…I’m sure you’ll get a job in your field soon.
MARTIN
I already got a job.
RYAN
When?
MARTIN
Just now…over the phone.
RYAN
Bullshit!
MARTIN
No way, man. I met this movie-exec-guy at the bar last night, and he offered me a job as a director. He'll be back down tonight…you can meet him.
RYAN
No shit!
MARTIN
Yes shit.
RYAN
You don't think its some kind of scam, do you?
MARTIN
He looked legit…check out his card.
Martin pulls out McGrendahl's card and shows it to Ryan.
RYAN
(reading aloud)
Where film is just another four-letter word?
Ryan flashes Martin a look.
RYAN CONT.
So what're you gonna do?
MARTIN
(furrowing his brow)
I have no idea. I never took any film-classes in college.
RYAN
Then why'd you write a script for a short film?
MARTIN
I've got a lit-degree…I needed to write SOMETHING to justify all the money I spent. Shit! What am I gonna do?!
They are both silent for a few seconds.
RYAN
Sit in on some film-courses.
MARTIN
What?
Ryan turns around, opens the backpack hanging off the back of his chair, and pulls out a manual. He slides it across the table to Martin.
RYAN
Here's the course catalogue for this year. Look through it and pick out a film-class, find out who the professor is, and drop into their office. Tell them that you've got some open slots in your schedule, and ask if they'd let you sit in on a few classes. Tell them you plan on taking their class next semester. Tell them anything.
MARTIN
But I already graduated.
RYAN
Don’t tell them that. In fact, maybe you’re better off not telling them anything at all...just sneak in.
MARTIN
They won’t notice?
RYAN
They don’t care, man…they’re just happy that people show up.
MARTIN
(looking through catalogue)
Ryan, you're a genius. Hey, there's a class today, at noon.
RYAN
There you go. Nothing's more gratifying than a stolen education.
INT-CLASSROOM-DAY
Martin is sitting in a auditorium-type classroom at a desk. Most of the other seats are filled with students talking to each other. The professor comes in and the background talk dies down.
PROFESSOR
Alright, alright. Settle down and pass around that attendance sheet. We've got a lot of material to cover today, so get out your books and turn to chapter five; filters and lenses.
The students all get out their textbooks, except for Martin, who doesn't have one. He gets out a notebook, opens it, and begins taking notes.
PROFESSOR CONT.
For your final projects you'll have to use a variety of filters combined with different lenses. Unless you plan on shelling out the money for professional lighting, the lighting you're going to use will show up in odd colors on film; orange for incandescent, and green for fluorescent. To solve this, we use filters…
As the professor speaks, Martin looks to his side and sees the blonde girl he spotted the previous day in the grocery store. The girl notices Martin looking at her and smiles at him before turning her attention back to the professor. Martin smiles to himself.
INT-HALLWAY OUTSIDE CLASSROOM-DAY
Martin walks out of the classroom with his notebook in hand, and looks around for a second. He spots the blonde girl from his class walking away through the hall to his left, and he hurries behind her to catch up. He draws up next to her and she looks over at him, a bit surprised.
MARTIN
Hey, what's up? I'm Martin.
He sticks out his hand and she shakes it.
GIRL
(smiling)
Hi, I'm Kristen. I haven't seen you in class before...how did you get in so late after registration?
MARTIN
Oh, I'm just sitting in on some classes. The only problem is that I don't have a book to study from. Would you mind if I borrowed yours sometime?
KRISTEN
Gee, I was kind of hoping you'd ask to study with me instead. I could use some help with my final project.
MARTIN
That could work too. I'd enjoy studying you…WITH you.
KRISTEN
(laughing)
So when would be good time for you?
MARTIN
How about tomorrow…six o'clock?
KRISTEN
(smiling)
That's fine.
She takes Martin's notebook from his hand, and scribbles her phone number down.
KRISTEN CONT.
I've go to get going to another class now, but give me a call tomorrow, alright?
MARTIN
Sure. See you later.
KRISTEN
Bye.
Kristen walks off, and Martin watches her go, smiling.
INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY
Martin walks through the front door of his and Ryan's apartment. Ryan is sitting in the living-room watching TV.
RYAN
(looking up at Martin)
How was class, Joe-college?
MARTIN
It was alright.
RYAN
You get your hands on that free knowledge?
MARTIN
Not really, but I met a girl there.
RYAN
Oh, Martin...you old muskrat you.
MARTIN
What luck, huh?
There is a knock on the door.
RYAN
Could you get that…it's Jenna.
Martin opens the door, and Jenna enters.
JENNA
Hey Martin. Congratulations on your new job.
MARTIN
Thanks, but nothing's carved in stone yet. I'm sure there are some papers to sign before I can just BECOME a director.
RYAN
When is that guy coming over tonight?
MARTIN
Nine o'clock.
RYAN
Well, me and Jenna are going to her parents house for diner, so you should have the apartment all to yourself.
MARTIN
Do you have any classes tomorrow morning?
RYAN
No, why?
MARTIN
Because this guy's gonna give me directions to the studio tonight, and he mentioned that he'd like to start as early as tomorrow.
RYAN
Yeah, I can ride you out…but sooner or later you're gonna have to find a solution to your travel situation.
MARTIN
Hey, if I'm successful at this directing-thing I won't have to worry. Besides, it'll be fun.
INT-LIVING ROOM-NIGHT
Martin is sitting in the living-room alone, watching TV. There is a knock at the door, and he gets up and answers it. Mr. McGrendahl is on the other side, carrying a briefcase.
McGRENDAHL
(sticking out his hand)
Hello, Martin.
MARTIN
(shaking McGrendahl's hand)
Mr. McGrendahl.
Martin leads McGrendahl over to the couch and they both sit down. McGrendahl sets his briefcase down on the coffee-table and opens it.
McGRENDAHL
Why don't we get straight down to business?
MARTIN
Alright.
McGRENDAHL
(pulling out papers)
These forms state that you promise to provide us with a fiished cut of the product in thirty day's time…and I'll need you to sign here, here, and here.
Martin begins glossing over the papers with a frown on his face. McGrendahl is silent for half a minute, then he speaks.
McGRENDAHL
Is there something wrong, Martin.
MARTIN
What if I can't do it? What if I don't get it done in time? Isn't that like, a breach of contract?
McGRENDAHL
(laughing lightly)
I wouldn't worry yourself Martin. The shoot won’t be complicated at all. We're not looking for an art-piece here. Direct it as simply and painlessly as you can, then cut it. You might even finish it in two week's time. It's not uncommon in this industry.
Martin hesitates for another moment, then signs the papers. McGRENDAHL sets more papers on the table.
McGRENDAHL
These concern your material rights as a director, and include a sequel-option. Look these over and give'em a sign.
Martin reads the papers and begins signing them. McGrendahl pulls out another sheet and a manila envelope.
McGRENDAHL
By the way, I forgot to bring your tape. You can pick it up at the studio tomorrow. Here are the directions, and here's the scene-list as well. Try to read over it at least once before we start tomorrow. We need you to be in the studio by nine in the morning. Can you make it then?
MARTIN
(finishing signing)
Yeah, I already have a ride lined up.
McGrendahl collects the papers and puts them in his briefcase.
McGRENDAHL
Wonderful. I'll see you tomorrow morning then.
McGrendahl snaps his briefcase closed, and stands. Martin stands as well. They shake hands.
MARTIN
Good-bye Mr. McGrendahl, and thank you for this opportunity.
McGRENDAHL
You're welcome.
McGrendahl walks to the door, opens it, and leaves. Martin stands there astounded for a few seconds, then sits back down on the couch, grinning to himself. He eagerly picks up the packet of paper, opens it, pulls out the scene-list and begins reading it. He reads half a page, then gets a confused look on his face. He flips over to the next page, reads a few lines, flips to the next page, and then the next before flipping the stapled pages shut. He looks up with an exasperated look on his face. He gets up from the couch and rushes to Ryan's bedroom.
INT-RYAN'S BEDROOM-LATER
Martin opens the door, turns on the light, and walks over to Ryan's VCR. He picks up the VHS tape lying on top of it and looks it over. The tape has no labels on it. Martin turns on Ryan's TV, and sticks the tape in the VCR. It turns on and the word PLAY briefly appears on the TV screen. Then it shows Ryan and Jenna acting on the screen, beginning where Martin had cut the scene earlier. Martin watches in terror.
RYAN
Are you retarded?
Jenna slaps Ryan.
JENNA
Why are you always so mean to me?
RYAN
(rubbing his face)
Don't you think you're being a little mean yourself?
JENNA
EXCUSE me?
RYAN
Don't you think there's a better way to do things than arguing all the time?
JENNA
So I argue all the time, huh?
Martin hits stop on the VCR.
MARTIN
What have I gotten myself into?
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-DAY
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 1
Martin's alarm-clock wakes him up. He sits up and rubs his eyes. He picks up the script and begins laughing to himself.
INT-RYAN'S CAR-DAY
Ryan is driving and Martin is sitting in the passenger seat. They are in the middle of a conversation.
RYAN
(shouting)
What?! You took my sex-tape?!
MARTIN
I didn't know it was porn, I swear. Besides, I didn't watch it.
RYAN
Then what'd you do with it?!
MARTIN
I sort of accidentally gave it to that movie-exec guy.
RYAN
WHAT?! You gave my video of me being intimate with Jenna to someone you just met?!
MARTIN
Intimate? I thought you banged her on camera.
RYAN
I did! And you gave the tape to a random stranger?!
MARTIN
Relax Ryan. Get this: the guy actually turned out to be in the porn-industry, and now he thinks I'm a amateur porn-director, or something. You need to take a left here.
Ryan looks over at him, looks back at the road, and looks back at Martin again.
RYAN
Are you serious?
MARTIN
Unfortunately, yes.
RYAN
What do you mean UNFORTUNATELY? This is awesome...as long as I get my tape back. Jenna would kill me if she found out.
MARTIN
It's better than being unemployed, but I'm starting to worry about where this might take me. How could anyone ever take a porn-director seriously? I want to make respectable movies, not fuck-films. Now I'll never get my script filmed.
Ryan and Martin drive in silence for half a minute.
RYAN
Just shoot it yourself.
MARTIN
What're you talking about?
RYAN
Just shoot it between porn scenes. Then when it's time to edit, make it into two separate movies; the porn-cut, and the director's-cut.
MARTIN
That won't work. Their scene-list calls for only two female roles. Mine needs a man and woman.
RYAN
Dude, you're directing a lesbian-porn…awesome!
Martin scowls at Ryan.
RYAN CONT.
I mean, so what. Just switch the one role in your script. The male-character's name is Alex anyway, so just make it a girl. Besides, your script is so boring that the only way to make it interesting is to…you know…spice it up.
MARTIN
So what you're suggesting…is that I manipulate the porn-industry to finance my own film ambitions, and cast two porn-actresses as my leads to make my short appealing despite its mediocrity.
RYAN
Totally.
MARTIN
Once again Ryan, you're a genius.
They arrive at the studio parking lot, and Ryan pulls into a parking space.
RYAN
Well, here we are.
Ryan shuts off the car.
MARTIN
What are you doing?
RYAN
Are you fuckin kidding? I'm going in there with you. You can't leave me behind on something like this.
MARTIN
(rolling his eyes)
Alright…come on.
EXT-STUDIO-DAY
ESTABLISHING SHOT: Wide-angle shot of the studio.
INT-STUDIO-DAY
McGrendahl is standing at CAROL the receptionist’s desk flirting with her. When he sees Martin, McGrendahl walks over and shakes his hand.
McGRENDAHL
(looking at Ryan)
Hello Martin. Who's your friend here? He's the actor from the film, right?
MARTIN
Yeah, this is my…personal assistant, Ryan. Ryan, Mr. McGrenahl.
Ryan and McGrendahl shake hands.
McGRENDAHL
Hello.
RYAN
Pleasure to meet you.
McGRENDAHL
Well, the crew is still setting up the gear for your shoot, but while they're doing that I can show you around a little. Oh, by the way, here's your tape back.
(handing Martin tape)
Now if you'll just follow me…
McGrendahl walks away, and before they follow him, Ryan takes the tape from Martin.
INT-STUDIO HALLWAY-CONTINUOS
McGrendahl, Martin, and Ryan are walking down a hallway by a door with a window in it.
McGRENDAHL
…And over here we're producing ASTROSLUT 3. You're set is on the other side of the building, but before we go there we should make a quick stop.
Martin and McGrendahl walk on, but Ryan stops and stares throught the window with his mouth agape.
MARTIN
(looking back)
Ryan!
Ryan catches up with Martin. They arrive at the end of the hallway at a blank door.
McGRENDAHL
This-gentlemen-is the prop-room.
RYAN
The prop-room?
McGRENDAHL
This is where we keep all of our props.
McGrendahl opens the door.
CUT TO BLACK.
INT-PROP ROOM-CONTINUOS
Everything is dark.
RYAN
(off-screen)
Holy shit!
MARTIN
(off-screen)
Is that what I think it is?
POV SHOT: the camera is inside a box facing up, and McGrendahl takes the lid off the box. Martin is flanked by McGrendahl and Ryan.
McGRENDAHL
The real deal.
Martin reaches inside the box and pulls out a wide RC-type remote with a retractable metal-antenna on it, wearing a look of wonder on his face. He turns a dial and the box begins to vibrate
MARTIN
(turning the knob down to off)
I think…I’m getting an idea.
McGRENDAHL
(patting Martin on back)
That’s what I like to hear.
MARTIN
(looking around)
Do I have access to everything in here?
McGRENDAHL
Everything that you see.
RYAN
(pointing off into a corner)
Dude! Look at that!
McGRENDAHL
Is there anything you see that you need?
MARTIN
(putting the controller back in the box)
Just this…and maybe a pair of those.
Martin points into the opposite corner that Ryan had pointed to. McGrendahl puts the lid back on the box.
INT-SET-LATER
McGrendahl enters the movie-set through a door with a window in it. Martin and Ryan follow him, Martin carrying a box. The set is littered with movie-lights, and cameras, and crew. There are two sets, one of a kitchen, and one of a bedroom. McGrendahl walks to the director's chair, picks up the mega-phone on the seat and speaks into it.
McGRENDAHL
(into the mega-phone)
ATTENTION EVERYBODY! THIS IS OUR NEW DIRECTOR, MARTIN MOYER! HE'S TAKING ON OUR ENTRY AT THE PORN-FESTIVAL THIS YEAR! LET'S ALL WORK TOGETHER TO TRY AND MAKE THIS PROJECT RUN ON SCHEDULE! THANK YOU!
SINGLE SHOT: POV-shot of the set with a bed in the middle, and a camera on a tripod near it. CHET the production assistant is near the camera; he was setting up a light, but McGrendahl’s announcement has left him frozen and unsure of how to respond. He looks at GIRL#1, GIRL#2, and her THUG off-screen, and the camera PANS a little to show them standing at the side of the set. The camera PANS back so that CHET is alone in the frame again. He points to himself, shrugging.
McGrendahl puts down the mega-phone and turns to Martin.
McGRENDAHL CONT.
You'll get to meet them all individually in the following days, but right now I'd like to introduce you to the talent.
McGrendahl leads Martin and Ryan to the side, where two women are standing in robes. These are GIRL#1 and GIRL#2 [who will be played by actual porn-actresses starring as themselves]. Girl#1 has blonde hair and Girl#2 has dark hair. A large man is standing next to GIRL#2.
McGRENDAHL
Meet [Girl#1], and [Girl#2].
Ryan steps forward and shakes Girl#2's hand.
RYAN
(ecstatic)
Wow, I have one of your movies! You're the best-
The man next to Girl#2 twists Ryan's arm away, releasing it after several seconds. Ryan lets out a sound of pain.
THUG
No one touches [Girl#2] unless someone says ACTION, and that includes YOU!
The Thug points at Martin as he says that.
RYAN
It's cool man…I'm an actor. Didn't you see my tape?
Ryan pulls out the tape, but Martin swats Ryan's hand back down.
MARTIN
Hello [Girl#1], [Girl#2]. Have either of you gone through the script yet?
GIRL#1
(confused)
Script?
McGRENDAHL
(pulling Martin aside)
The talent generally doesn’t get a copy of the scene-list…just tell them what you need and they'll improvise the rest.
MARTIN
(smiling)
Alright, let's get to work.
INT-RYAN'S CAR-DAY
Ryan and Martin don't say anything as they drive. Ryan just laughs to himself, and when he looks over at Martin, Martin cracks a smile.
INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY
Ryan and Martin enter their living-room. Martin goes to his room, Ryan goes to his room, and they both shut their doors.
INT-MARTIN'S ROOM-NIGHT
Martin is laying face up on his bed. He looks at the clock and it says 8:32. He pulls out his cell-phone and dials Kristen's number.
KRISTEN
Hello.
MARTIN
Hey, this is Martin.
KRISTEN
Hey, Martin…I was wondering when you were going to call.
MARTIN
Well, I just got out of work.
KRISTEN
Oh, ok. What are you doing after work?
Martin ponders this for a few moments.
MARTIN
Want to go see a movie?
INT-MOVIE THEATRE-NIGHT
Martin and Kristen are sitting in padded movie-seats, watching a movie.
EXT-MOVIE THEATRE-NIGHT
Martin and Kristen are walking outside of the theatre.
KRISTEN
Well, that was an alright movie.
MARTIN
Yeah, but I didn't like the ending.
KRISTEN
What was wrong with the end?
MARTIN
I just think it could have been better.
KRISTEN
(smiling)
Why, you think the guy should have gotten the girl in the end.
MARTIN
Not necessarily.
There is silence between them for a few moments.
KRISTEN
You know, before I saw you in class, I saw you getting in trouble at the grocery store.
MARTIN
Valu-Mart? I don't work there anymore.
KRISTEN
You don't?
MARTIN
No…I quit.
KRISTEN
Why's that?
MARTIN
I don't have enough time with my other job.
KRISTEN
You worked two jobs, and go to school?! What’s your other job?
MARTIN
(hesitant)
…I direct movies.
KRISTEN
Movies?! Like the one we just saw?
MARTIN
No no, nothing with that big of a budget, although I'd like to work my way up to something like that someday.
KRISTEN
That's GREAT! I've been having so much trouble with my final-project in class. You could probably sort it out in a snap.
MARTIN
…Sure, I'll help you out. How much do you have done?
KRISTEN
Oh, I haven’t started yet.
MARTIN
Ok…maybe I could…do it for you?
KRISTEN
That’s so sweet of you.
Kristen leans over and gives Martin a quick kiss on the cheek. Martin and Kristen walk down the sidewalk silent for a few seconds, then he puts his arm around her as they walk.
INT-LIVING ROOM-NIGHT
Martin walks into the living-room. Ryan is sitting inside watching TV.
RYAN
Hey Marty, how was the date?
Martin is silent for several seconds.
MARTIN
I'm already in over my head.
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-MORNING
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 2
Martin wakes up by his alarm clock in his bedroom. He sits up with a frustrated look on his face.
INT-MOVIE SET-DAY
Martin is sitting in the director’s chair. Ryan is standing next to him. CHET is moving stuff about behind them. Martin is holding the megaphone, and has the remote control on his lap. Girl#1 and Girl#2 are off-screen, performing a scene. Martin is tweaking the controls of the remote control. After a few seconds he tweaks them again. Ryan is looking over jealously.
RYAN
Man, let me try that thing.
MARTIN
(tweaking the control)
No.
RYAN
Come on man, don't hog that thing.
MARTIN
Chill Ryan; this thing isn't a toy.
Ryan is silent for a few moments.
RYAN
(reaching for the control)
YES IT IS!
Martin swats Ryan's hands away.
MARTIN
Listen, I'M in the director's chair here. I'M at the controls, and I'M calling the shots.
Martin looks out at Girl#1 and Girl#2, and brings the megaphone up to his lips.
MARTIN CONT.
THAT'S NICE WORK GIRLS!
INT-COPY SHOP-MORNING
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 3
Martin is in a copy-shop getting copies of his script printed out.
INT-MOVIE SET-DAY
Martin hands Girl#1 and Girl#2 copies of the scripts. Girl#2 looks at Martin confused.
GIRL#2
What the fuck is this? You want us to act!
MARTIN
Just learn the lines.
Martin walks over to his director's chair, which has the remote control in it. He picks it up and sits down. Martin looks over and sees Ryan entering the studio.
MARTIN CONT.
You don't have to be here for this, you know.
RYAN
I wouldn't miss it.
A blind man carrying a white cane comes up behind Martin and Ryan. This is LYONEL COLLINS, a blind composer of background-music for porn movies.
LYONEL
(sticking out hand)
Hello, I'm Lyonel Collins.
MARTIN
(shaking Lyonel’s hand)
I'm Martin Moyer.
LYONEL
McGrendahl told me you’d be in here…I have something for you.
MARTIN
(raising an eyebrow)
What's that?
LYONEL
Soundtrack samples.
MARTIN
Oh, you're the soundtrack guy. Listen, I'd like talk to you about doing something special.
Lyonel’s fingers flutter on his white cane.
LYONEL
All my pieces are special.
Lyonel pulls out a small player, and turns it on. Stereotypical porn-music BOOMS out.
MARTIN
(visibly cringing)
That’s nice…it’s just that I had something different in mind.
LYONEL
(stops the player)
Something different?
MARTIN
You know…something slower.
LYONEL
I think I can slow it down for you…I’ll get a sample to you by tomorrow.
MARTIN
Thanks.
Lyonel walks away out of frame. Girl#2 comes over wearing her robe with other clothes draped over her arm.
GIRL#2
What's up with this wardrobe? I'll look like a housewife in this, and I don't even take it off all scene long. Is this all I get to wear?
Martin extend the antenna on his remote control.
MARTIN
Not ALL.
Ryan begins laughing beside Martin.
INT-CLASSROOM-DAY
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 4
Martin walks into the classroom and heads for the desk he sat in last time. He sets his notebook on the desk, looks to his right, and sees Kristen. There is an empty desk next to her. He picks up his notebook and walks over to the empty desk, sitting down.
MARTIN
Hello.
KRISTEN
Hey.
MARTIN
What are you doing later tonight?
KRISTEN
You want to hang out again already?
MARTIN
Actually, I just wanted to get a look inside your text-book, and maybe talk about what you're into...as far as your final project is concerned.
KRISTEN
Oh, well that sounds good too. I need to get at least a B in this class to keep my scholarship.
MARTIN
What do you have a scholarship in?
KRISTEN
Softball.
MARTIN
Well, I might have to come see you play some day, maybe shoot some footage.
Kristen blushes as the Professor enters the classroom and begins hushing the students.
INT-STUDIO HALLWAY-DAY
Martin and McGrendahl are walking down a hallway.
MARTIN
Yeah, thanks for scheduling this half-day. I couldn't miss my appointment.
McGRENDAHL
Not a problem, Martin…as long as you finish before your deadline.
MARTIN
That shouldn't be a problem. Two or three more weeks, tops.
McGRENDAHL
Excellent. If you need anymore time to…
A dark-haired man in sunglasses wearing black strolls by them, knocking shoulders with Martin. Martin looks back, but the dark-man doesn't look back. Martin and McGrendahl walk silent for a few moments as the man draws away.
MARTIN
Who was that?
McGRENDAHL
That was Kraven Spader, the epitome of evil among porn-directors. He directs P.A.N. movies.
MARTIN
Pan?
McGrendahl leans close to Martin's ear and whispers something incoherent. Martin screws up his face in disgust.
MARTIN CONT.
Aaugh!
INT-LIVING ROOM-NIGHT
Martin is sitting on his couch watching TV, and there is a knock on the door. He gets up, walks over to the door and opens it. Kristen enters wearing a backpack, and Martin closes the door.
KRISTEN
Hey.
MARTIN
What's up?
They sit down and Kristen opens her backpack, pulling out her film-class textbook and setting it on the table. Martin takes the book gingerly and opens it, poring over the pages.
MARTIN
So what exactly where you planning on for a final project?
KRISTEN
See, I'm not exactly sure.
MARTIN
Well, what kind of genre do you like?
KRISTEN
Well, I want to do something that's like-
Ryan enters through the door, holding a black-plastic bag with several porn-tapes in it.
RYAN
Hey Martin, I got you some study-materi…
Ryan slows to a stop as he sees Kristen.
RYAN CONT.
Hello, you must be Kristen. I'm Ryan, Martin's roommate. Martin's told me a bit about you.
KRISTEN
Really…Martin hasn't mentioned anything about you.
Kristen looks at the plastic bag, and Ryan makes a feeble attempt to hide it behind his leg.
KRISTEN CONT.
What do you have there? Some gifts for us?
Martin grinds his teeth.
RYAN
Naw, this is just some p…personal stuff. Well, I'll catch you guys later.
Ryan rushes into his room and shuts the door. Martin and Kristen turn toward each other.
KRISTEN
He seems nice.
MARTIN
Yeah, he's cool.
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-MORNING
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 5
Martin is sleeping and his alarm-clock goes off, waking him up.
INT-SET-DAY
Martin and Ryan walk onto the set. Chet nods to Martin, and he waves as he passes. They arrive at the director's chair, and Martin sees Girl#2 standing off to the side with her bodyguard.
MARTIN
I'll be back in a second, I need to talk to someone.
Martin walks off-screen, and after several seconds of being alone, Ryan picks up the mega-phone, and after a few hesitant moments, puts it up against his mouth and begins making idiot-noises.
RYAN
(into mega-phone)
EWW-OOT!
INT-SET-CONTINUOUS
Martin walks up to Girl#2's bodyguard.
MARTIN
Hello Mr…
THUG
Mister will suit just fine.
MARTIN
Well Mr. Bodyguard, I'd like to have a word with you in private, if I may.
THUG
(nodding toward Girl#2)
Sorry, I got responsibilities, ya know.
MARTIN
Understandable. I was just wondering if you might…well, I was hoping you would do me a favor.
THUG
I charge two-hundred dollars per favor.
MARTIN
Really?…I just wanted to know if you were interested in a little bit-part in the movie.
THUG
Oh, I charge only a hundred for that…fifty for non-speaking roles.
MARTIN
Great, I don't have a part written in the script for you, but I thought you might make for a good piece of...uh, scenery.
THUG
Just let me know when you need me.
MARTIN
Alright, thanks.
Martin walks back to the director's chair, and sits down. Ryan is still making noises with the megaphone, and Martin grabs it from him.
MARTIN
(angry)
Must you? Really? I gotta try and concentrate!
RYAN
Sorry.
While Martin is occupied Lyonel walks up behind the director's chair, tapping his cane gingerly. Lyonel sets a hand down on Martin's shoulder, and Martin turns around.
MARTIN
Oh, hello Lyonel.
LYONEL
Mr. Moyer, I brought you some rough samples of the new material we talked about.
Lyonel holds out a blue CD-case, and Martin takes it.
MARTIN
Thank you Lyonel. I'll go over it tonight and get back to you about it tomorrow.
LYONEL
(backing away)
Sounds good Mr. Moyer.
RYAN
Since when did you get so professional, Mr. Moyer.
MARTIN
Shut up.
Martin picks up the mega-phone and raises it to his mouth.
MARTIN CONT.
(into mega-phone)
ALRIGHT EVERYONE! WE'VE GOT A LOT OF SCENES TO SHOOT TODAY, SO LET'S ALL BE ON POINT, OK!
Chet moves into position behind the camera.
MARTIN CONT.
(into mega-phone)
LIGHTS! CAMERA! ROLL SOUND, AND…ACTION!
INT-LIVING ROOM-NIGHT
Martin and Ryan enter their apartment. Martin plops down on the couch in exhaustion. Ryan paces around the living-room in excitement.
RYAN
Man, that was awesome today. I mean, I've seen stuff like that in videos before, but actually being there is WAY different.
MARTIN
(exhausted)
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
RYAN
Man, what's YOUR problem?
MARTIN
I'm just worn out. This is too crazy, trying to balance porn-directing, having a girlfriend, AND going to college. This is more frustrating than when I was actually IN college legitimately.
RYAN
What do you have to bitch about? You're living out every man's fantasy.
MARTIN
It may be YOUR fantasy, but it's my nightmare.
RYAN
What're you talking about? At least you're getting to make your own movie as well.
MARTIN
Exactly. Two movies, one girlfriend, and zero course credits. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.
RYAN
Whatever…hey, you need another ride out there tomorrow?
MARTIN
I thought you had class tomorrow.
RYAN
I'm skipping that shit.
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-MORNING
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 9
Martin is sleeping and his alarm-clock goes off, waking him up.
INT-EDITING ROOM-DAY
Martin is sitting at a desk looking at footage on a monitor. Close-up of a stereo nearby playing Lyonel's CD on it; the empty CD-case is sitting on top. After a few moments the door to the editing-room opens, and Girl#1 enters.
GIRL#1
Hey, Mr. Moyer.
MARTIN
(looking over his shoulder)
What's up, [Girl#1]?
GIRL#1
I have a problem with some of my lines.
MARTIN
(looking back at monitor)
How so?
Girl#1 spins his chair around and sits on his lap.
GIRL#1
What's my motivation?
MARTIN
(surprised)
Whoa, what're you doing?
GIRL#1
You know how things work in this business.
MARTIN
I can't do this…I just started dating this one girl-
GIRL#1
(standing)
Huh?! What kind of porn-director are you?
Girl#1 walks out of the room and Martin gets up to chase after her.
INT-STUDIO HALLWAY-CONTINUOUS
Martin exits the editing-room, shouting after Girl#1.
MARTIN
(slowing to a stop)
Wait!...I'm not a porn-director!
A voice speaks from behind him.
VOICE
Not a porn-director?
Martin turns and sees porn-director Kraven Spader.
KRAVEN
You know, the first time I saw you, I could tell you had ambition. And there's nothing more futile than a porn-director with ambition.
MARTIN
But I'm not a porn-director…not really.
KRAVEN
You are what you are. No one can escape what they are.
MARTIN
So what're you, other than an asshole?
KRAVEN
(cracking a smile)
I'm a certified acupuncturist.
Kraven walks away, and after a few moments, Martin returns into the editing-room.
EXT-SOFTBALL FIELD-DAY
Martin is standing next to a set of metal-bleachers, looking out at the field. Kristen is dressed in a softball uniform, standing in the outfield. CUT TO: Later, Martin sees Kristen walking from practice carrying a duffle-bag, and walks faster to catch up with her.
MARTIN
Hey Kristen, I saw you practicing softball earlier.
KRISTEN
Martin!
Kristen gives Martin a hug.
KRISTEN CONT.
I didn't see you in class last time. Where were you?
MARTIN
Oh, my directing schedule got in the way. But anyway, do you want to go out to eat tonight?
KRISTEN
Sure. You have any place in mind?
MARTIN
How about someplace simple?
INT-RESTAURANT-NIGHT
Martin and Kristen are sitting at a table eating.
MARTIN
Nothing's better than a big unhealthy breakfast at night, huh?
KRISTEN
I don't know. I like to watch what I eat.
MARTIN
Aw, but that takes all the fun out of living.
KRISTEN
Now you're starting to sound like my mother.
MARTIN
Why? What's her deal?
KRISTEN
She lives off of unemployment now, but she used to be a porn-star.
Martin chokes on a bite of food for a second.
MARTIN
A porn-star?!
KRISTEN
It sounds a lot better than it actually is. It's the reason my dad left us. Now she's spoiled and jobless. Anytime I've brought a boyfriend home to meet her, she's embarrassed me. It's like she's living in this bizarre fantasy world.
MARTIN
(struggling for a response)
I'm sure that deep down she's still a good person.
KRISTEN
She never was. I don't know…I really don't want to talk about it at the moment.
MARTIN
Well…what do you want to talk about?
KRISTEN
(pausing)
What about the movie you’re making?
MARTIN
(stalling)
…Which one?
KRISTEN
For my final project.
MARTIN
Oh, right.
KRISTEN
Are you done already?
MARTIN
…Almost.
KRISTEN
Thank you so much, by the way…I don’t know the first thing about movies.
MARTIN
Why are you taking that film-course then?
KRISTEN
Because I need the credit, and I thought it might be interesting. I'm really a major in feminist studies.
She hugs Martin, and he smiles a bit, but his smile falters a bit.
INT-LIVINGROOM-DAY
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 15
Martin trudges into the living-room and sees that Ryan is already dressed and ready to go.
RYAN
Damn Marty, what's took you so long?
MARTIN
(glaring at Ryan)
You count the minutes until we leave for the porn-studio, don't you?
RYAN
Sometimes.
MARTIN
What does Jenna think about your enthusiastic interest in my directing career?
RYAN
What, are you kidding? She doesn't know anything about it…although she has been wondering why I've been spending less time with her. What's your woman think about you being a porn-director?
MARTIN
(angry)
I'm NOT a porn-director.
RYAN
Yeah, whatever. Let's hit the road.
INT-SET-DAY
Martin is standing in front of his director's chair speaking into the mega-phone. Ryan is standing next to him.
MARTIN
(into mega-phone)
ALRIGHT EVERYONE! WE'RE SHOOTING THE MAIN SCENE TODAY, SO LET"S ALL WORK TOGETHER TO TRY AND GET THE FOOTAGE WE NEED! GIRL#1 AND GIRL#2, COULD YOU COME HERE PLEASE!
Girl#1, Girl#2, and the Thug all approach Martin.
MARTIN
Ok, girls. What I'd like you to do during this scene is try and touch each other as little as possible. Now when you go in for the kiss, don't do it right away. Try to postpone it as much as possible. Alright?
GIRL#1
Why?
MARTIN
To create tension.
GIRL#2
Tension?
MARTIN
Yeah, you know…anticipation, pacing.
GIRL#1
You do realize that this is a porn-flick, don't you?
MARTIN
(angry)
Just do the scene the way I tell you, ok?
GIRL#2
Which one of us is wearing the device this time?
MARTIN
You can.
GIRL#2
I wore it last time.
MARTIN
Fine…[Girl#1], it’s your turn.
THUG
What do you want me to do?
MARTIN
Just stand over there again, alright?
THUG
Gotcha.
Girl#1, Girl#2, and the Thug all walk away. Martin extends the antenna on the remote control.
RYAN
Do you really think this movie is going to be everything you're expecting it to be? Aren't you worried it might fail?
MARTIN
You never know unless you try right. Anyway, it was fun while it lasted.
Martin lifts the mega-phone up to his mouth.
MARTIN CONT.
(into mega-phone)
OK, EVERYONE IN POSITION! LIGHTS! CAMERA! ROLL SOUND, AND…ACTION!
FADE TO BLACK.
INT-SET-LATER
ONSCREEN TEXT: 15 MINUTES LATER
Martin and Ryan have slack faces watching the scene offscreen. Chet stands on the other side of Martin, watching spellbound.
MARTIN
(into mega-phone)
CUT!
Everyone is silent for several seconds.
RYAN
(in awe)
Awesome…
MARTIN
(into mega-phone)
THAT WAS PERFECT GIRLS! I THINK WE GOT IT IN ONE TAKE!
Chet starts clapping, and Girl#1 and Girl#2 take bows on the set.
MARTIN
(into mega-phone)
EVERYONE TAKE FIVE, OK!
Chet shuffles into a corner of the set, and pulls a saran-wrapped sandwich out of his back pocket. He unwraps it, and hunches down, eating it like an animal.
RYAN
You may have something here.
MARTIN
Well, I'm not in the clear yet. There’s still a few more scenes to shoot, and then I have to do editing...for two separate movies. You probably won't want to hang around here during that part of production.
RYAN
Sure I do…I'll just be visiting different sets while you do your work.
MARTIN
Gee, you're a class act.
RYAN
Hey, what're friends for?
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-DAY
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 19
Martin's alarm clock goes off and Martin wakes up. His eyes are bloodshot. He lays there as the alarm continues to go off.
INT-CLASSROOM-DAY
Martin is sitting next to Kristen in class, taking notes. The professor is standing in front of the class giving a lesson.
PROFESSOR
…Editing is just as important as filming when making a movie. How you cut a film, and how long you make a film, can be the difference between a bad movie and a good movie. Now there are two different ways to edit film, and two different mediums to use to get it back together…
KRISTEN
(keeping her voice low)
You want to do something later tonight?
MARTIN
(taking notes)
Yeah, sure.
KRISTEN
What do you want to do?
MARTIN
(taking notes)
I don't know?
KRISTEN
What about mini-golf?
MARTIN
(taking notes)
Sounds good.
KRISTEN
(giving Martin a look)
Are you just trying to placate me?
MARTIN
(pausing)
Listen, can we make plans after class? It's VERY important that I learn this editing stuff.
INT-HALLWAY OUTSIDE-DAY
Kristen exits the classroom with Martin following her.
MARTIN
Kristen.
Kristen ignores him and continues walking.
MARTIN CONT.
(putting his hand on her elbow)
Kristen!
Kristen stops and turns toward him, but doesn't speak.
MARTIN CONT.
What's wrong?
KRISTEN
(exhaling in frustration)
It's just…I'd like to spend a little more time with you.
MARTIN
I know. I'd like to spend more time with you too. It's just that I'm REALLY busy right now. That class-project is due in two weeks…
KRISTEN
Eleven days.
MARTIN
Shit! Listen, after we hand in this project we'll spend a nice weekend together...hell, a whole week. But right now I've got a lot of work on my plate.
KRISTEN
You promise.
MARTIN
Promise.
INT-EDITING ROOM-DAY
Martin is sitting in front of a monitor, inspecting scenes.
ONSREEN TEXT: DAY 20
Martin wakes up with his head resting on an editing-room desk. He rubs his eyes, looks at the wall-clock, which reads noon, and gazes groggily over his editing equipment.
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 25
Martin is in the editing-room drinking a large soda through a straw as the DVD is burning for his short film.
ONSCREEN TEXT: DAY 29
The DVD spits out of the Burner, and Martin pulls out the disk and puts it in a red case, putting the case on the desk. As he begins putting another DVD in the Burner, Lyonel enters the editing-room.
LYONEL
Martin?
MARTIN
I’m in here, Lyonel.
LYONEL
I’ve been working on that string arrangement we talked about over the phone. I’ve never had to use strings in one of my tracks before, but I gotta admit; I like the way it sounds.
MARTIN
Happy to hear it.
(Burner shorts out)
Dammit!
LYONEL
What is it?
Martin gets out of his seat and kneels to reach the power-cords under the desk.
MARTIN
It’s this fucking frayed cable…second time the damned thing shut down on me.
LYONEL
Would you happen to have the CD of samples I gave you?
MARTIN
It’s the blue CD-case on the desk over there.
Close-up of the blue CD-case as Lyonel’s hand searches the desk near it. The camera MOVES to show the red CD-case next to it as Lyonel’s hand finds it and picks that up instead. The Burner powers back on.
MARTIN
There…
Martin stands back up. Close-up of the Burner as it spits the disk halfway out. Martin grabs the disk and tries to pull it out, but it is stuck. He pulls harder, and the disk comes out, but breaks as it does.
MARTIN
Son of a BITCH!...That was my last one.
(deep sigh)
Does this place have a supply closet?
LYONEL
Sure, in the front by the entrance.
MARTIN
Thanks.
LYONEL
(leaving)
No problem…I’ll talk to you later Martin.
INT-STUDIO-DAY
Carol is sitting at the reception-desk, looking at her phone. Lyonel walks by, tapping his white cane.
CAROL
Have a good night Mr. Collins.
LYONEL
You too, sweetie.
Carol smiles at Lyonel as he walks out the door. After the door closes, it opens again and Kraven enters, walking by Carol.
KRAVEN
How are you today, sweetie?
CAROL
(smiling)
Oh, good.
Kraven walks past, and when he is out of sight, Carol retches.
INT-STUDIO HALLWAY-CONTINUOUS
The camera is facing the editing-room door. Martin steps out, and when he closes the door he looks up and sees Kraven, who stops in front of him.
KRAVEN
Hard at work?
MARTIN
Mind your business.
KRAVEN
Or are you hardly working…your dead-line is days away.
MARTIN
What, are you my boss now?
KRAVEN
(walking around him)
No, I’m just entered into the same festival you are, that’s all.
MARTIN
I’m not competing against you.
KRAVEN
(walking away)
You can’t compete.
Martin grinds his teeth and walks in the opposite direction. The camera holds on the image of the door for a long while, the Kraven creeps back into frame. He looks around to see if anyone is looking, then sneaks into the editing-room.
INT-EDITING ROOM-CONTINUOUS
Kraven enters the editing-room and looks around. He spots the blue CD-case, picks it up, and puts it in his pocket. He spots the soda-cup sitting on the desk over the computer.
KRAVEN
(purposely knocking cup over)
Oops.
INT-STUDIO-DAY
Martin comes out of the supply closet holding a spool of DVDs.
CAROL
Did you find everything?
MARTIN
Yep…thanks.
There is a loud WHOOSH sound from the hallway. McGrendahl comes out of the hallway a few seconds later carrying a fire-extinguisher. He spots Martin and begins walking over.
McGRENDAHL
Martin, weren’t you using editing-room B?
MARTIN
Yeah.
McGRENDAHL
Well, it’s torched now.
MARTIN
I lost my footage?
McGRENDAHL
We make triplicates of everything…YOUR footage is safe and sound. MY fifteen-thousand dollar editing-suit is trashed, however.
MARTIN
Is it totally unsalvageable…I had some B-roll in there that wasn’t backed-up.
McGRENDAHL
If it’s B-roll then you don’t need it, right?
MARTIN
…It was important to me.
McGRENDAHL
Sorry…take the footage you have and throw a quick cut together before you leave for the night.
MARTIN
(pouting)
So not only do I have to resort to making porn to become a director, it also has to be poor quality porn.
McGrendahl puts the fire-extinguisher down, and steps up to Martin, putting his hand on Martin’s shoulder and gripping tight.
McGRENDAHL
Listen…Martin…just get the tits up on the screen…ok.
He turns and picks up the fire-extinguisher, walking away.
McGRENDAHL CONT.
…Try not to be such a fucking martyr about it.
INT-LIVING ROOM-NIGHT
Martin opens the door and trudges inside, closing the door behind him. Ryan is sitting on the couch watching TV.
RYAN
You’re back late tonight.
Martin walks past him with his head hanging low.
RYAN
Is everything alright?
MARTIN
Had a reeeally shitty day.
RYAN
What happened, bud?
MARTIN
Mt workstation at the studio got fried and I lost my short film.
RYAN
Oh my god…the whole thing?
MARTIN
Everthing…
RYAN
So you won’t have anything to show at the porn-festival tomorrow?
MARTIN
No…I salvaged the porno, but my short film is destroyed, and I was gonna use that as Kristen’s project for class. Now when I show up empty handed, she’s gonna fail the class and dump me.
RYAN
Sorry to hear that…Do you want to go out and have a couple?
MARTIN
(starts to leave)
There’s no way I’m leaving this apartment…I’m exhausted.
RYAN
By the way, some guy called and said he has your movie.
MARTIN
(freezing)
What?
RYAN
(handing Martin a paper)
Said his name was Lyonel…left his number here.
Martin swipes the piece of paper from Ryan’s hand.
INT-MARTIN’S BEDROOM-NIGHT
Close-up of Martin’s bedroom door slamming. Close-up of a phone as Martin dials in the numbers. It begins ringing.
SINGLE SHOT: Camera has a landline-phone in the center of the frame, being supported by a stand fashioned to look like a chimp-butler holding a tray with one hand. The phone begins ringing, and after a few rings, The white cane comes into frame, followed by Lyonel as he steps up to the phone, only his midsection visible as he picks up the phone…he is shirtless.
LYONEL
Hello.
MARTIN
(over phone)
Lyonel!
LYONEL
Martin…I thought it might be you.
Medium-shot of Martin talking on the phone.
MARTIN
You have my DVD?
LYONEL
(over phone)
I do! I must’ve grabbed it by accident…took me a while to figure out why it wouldn’t play in the stereo.
MARTIN
Thank god…can I stop by and pick it up quick?
LYONEL
Sure. I live on one-thirty West Broadway…I’ll be up for a while.
Close-up of a car-tire peeling out.
EXT-LYONEL’S HOUSE-NIGHT
Martin’s car skids to a stop in front of Lyonel’s huge house. Close-up of the gear shift being thrown into Park. Close-up of the car door slamming. Close-up of the doorbell as Martin rings it.
LYONEL
(on other side of door)
Martin?
MARTIN
It’s me.
Lyonel opens the door…he is wearing a shirt.
LYONEL
Come inside…
INT-LYONEL’S HOUSE-CONTINUOUS
The inside of Lyonel’s house is as lavish as the outside. Lyonel users Martin inside and closes the door. Martin looks around.
MARTIN
Damn, Lyonel…how did you end up with a mansion like this?
LYONEL
I used to be a performer.
MARTIN
In porn?
LYONEL
(caught off guard)
…No. I used to play the piano…I’m a classically trained orchestra pianist.
MARTIN
Well, at least you’re still doing what you love.
LYONEL
I never really loved making music, though…I was skilled at it, but that’s because my parents forced my to train eight hours a day since I was seven. They saw how much money Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles were making, and thought it might be a trend.
SINGLE-SHOT: Black-and-white close-up of a piano key-cover, as it is slammed back, revealing the keys as the camera quickly moves back to reveal MR. COLLINS and MRS. COLLINS standing by the piano; Lyonel is standing away, shrinking under his parent’s heavy gazes.
MR. COLLINS
Get over here and practice your scales!
YOUNG LYONEL
(terrified)
Leave me alone…I’m blind!
MR. COLLINS
You’re gonna be crippled too if you don’t get over here!
Martin and Lyonel are facing each other, in profile to the camera; the chimp-stand is in the backround, between them in the frame.
MARTIN
…Oh.
Lyonel picks the red-case off the chimp-butler’s tray. Close-up of the red-case as Lyonel holds it up.
LYONEL
Anyway, here’s your DVD.
MARTIN
(taking case)
Thank you so much, Lyonel. Now, I hate to drop in and run right away, but tomorrow’s the day of my big festival.
LYONEL
Wait a minute, Martin…I want to tell you something.
MARTIN
…Ok.
LYONEL
Man-to-man, I watch porn-scenes all day to try and find the right score for them, but I’ve never seen one as moving and touching as yours.
MARTIN
(puts hand on shoulder)
Lyonel…It’s not a porno.
LYONEL
…It’s not?
MARTIN
(walking toward door)
No…it’s a serious drama.
LYONEL
Oh…do you mind if I get a copy anyway...their voices are so soft.
MARTIN
(opening door)
I’ll get you an autographed copy
(leaving)
INT-MARTIN’S ROOM-NIGHT
Martin shuffles into his bedroom, throws the red-case on his dresser. Close-up of the red-case landing on top of another red-case containing the porn scene he directed.
INT-MARTIN'S ROOM-MORNING
ONSCREEN TEXT: Day 30 [The text stays onscreen longer than usual before FADING OUT, then the action starts.]
Martin is asleep in his bed, wearing the same clothes from last night. The phone rings. Martin gets up, looks at his alarm clock, then answers the phone.
MARTIN
(groggily)
Hello?
McGRENDAHL
Martin! Just wanted to give you a friendly wake-up call.
MARTIN
Huh?
McGRENDAHL
The film-festival is today…remember?
MARTIN
I thought that wasn't until later tonight.
McGRENDAHL
It runs all day long.
MARTIN
(groaning)
All day?...
McGRENDAHL
Look, can you make it in or not?
MARTIN
Yeah, alright…I'll be there as soon as I can.
Martin hangs up the phone, gets out of bed, and grabs the top red-case off his dresser.
INT-STUDIO HALLWAY-LATER
Martin is walking through a hall as McGrendahl approaches from ahead.
INT-PORN FESTIVAL-DAY
Banners hanging above doors read: 32TH ANNUAL PORN-FESTIVAL. Martin sees McGrendahl near a table with FESTIVAL EMPLOYEES sitting behind it. He waves to McGrendahl and walks up to him.
McGRENDAHL
Martin! You're just in time for submission.
MARTIN
(clutching the case to his chest)
You mean I don't get to look at it one last time?
Kraven Spader walks up to McGrendahl, hands him DVD-case, and pushes by Martin, glaring at him.
McGRENDAHL
Thank you Kraven.
Martin grinds his teeth and hands over his DVD-case to McGrendahl.
Martin walks into the auditorium, down an aisle, and sits down in his seat. He looks around and sees himself surrounded by porn-stars. Someone walks out on stage and begins emceeing.
MC
(through speakers)
Hello everyone, and welcome to the 32th annual Porn-Festival! We've got a lot of entries to get through, so we're just going to jump right in. Our first segment is from the porn-remake of the literary-classic IN THE PENAL COLONY, by Kraven Spader.
The camera cuts to the screen, which shows a scantily-clad WOMAN laying on a table beneath an apparatus hanging above her. The apparatus is a literal wall of needles, which is descending upon her. There is a MAN with a black-leather mask over his face standing next to the table.
WOMAN
(squirming)
Spare me Commadant, spare me!
FADE TO BLACK.
INT-AUDITORIUM-DAY
Martin is sleeping in his chair, but wakes up as he hears his name being called.
MC
(through speakers)
…our next piece, THE KISS, by Martin Moyer.
The camera cuts to the screen, which shows Girl#1, and Girl#2 acting out their scenes for Martin's personal movie, not the porn he was supposed to direct.
GIRL#1
How was your day?
GIRL#2
How do you think my day was?
Martin sits up in his seat as he realizes he grabbed the wrong DVD-case.
MARTIN
(to himself)
Oh shit…
Girl#2 shuts the door she just walked through, takes off her coat, and drapes it across Thug's arms, who is standing still and silent against the wall.
GIRL#1
Was it bad?
Girl#2 doesn't even move to respond, she just stares at Girl#1.
GIRL#1 CONT.
It was bad right…you had a bad day?
GIRL#2
Could we not talk about it?
GIRL#1
Why don't you want to talk about it?
GIRL#2
Is it a crime these days to keep to yourself? What if I just don't want to talk about it?
GIRL#1
Isn't it bad to keep that stuff bottled up?
GIRL#2
Where do you come up with this mumbo-jumbo?
GIRL#1
I was just trying to be helpful, wasn't I?
GIRL#2
…Have you been drinking again?
GIRL#1
(looking down into the pan)
What do you care?
GIRL#2
(sighing)
Why do you do this to yourself?
GIRL#1
What else is there for me to do all day while you're gone?
GIRL#2
(pointing to herself)
So this is about me now?
Girl#1 leaves the pan and walks over to the table in the middle of the room, sitting down at a chair. Girl#2 walks over to the table, looking down at Girl#1
GIRL#2 CONT.
Hey, what's the matter?
GIRL#1
Do I really need to tell you?
GIRL#2
Must we play these games?
Girl#1 doesn't say anything, she simply stares at the tablecloth.
GIRL#2 CONT.
Are you just going to leave that pan burning on the stove?
GIRL#1
You never let up, do you?
GIRL#2
Look, what's the problem? What do you want from me?
GIRL#1
Are you happy?
Girl#2 thinks for a few moments.
GIRL#2
(smiling)
Of course I am…we're in the middle of an argument, aren't we?
GIRL#1
Is that supposed to be a joke?
GIRL#2
You didn't think it was funny?
GIRL#1
What do you think?
GIRL#2
Do you always have to use sarcasm? Can't I ever have a normal conversation with you?
GIRL#1
You want a normal conversation, huh? Alright, how was your day?
Girl#2 sits down at the table with a smile on her face. Girl#1 looks up and meets her eyes.
GIRL#2
Do you mind if I ask you a question?
GIRL#1
Yes.
GIRL#2
Are you retarded?
Girl#1 slaps Girl#2.
GIRL#1
Why are you always so mean to me?
GIRL#2
(rubbing her face)
Don't you think you're being a little mean yourself?
GIRL#1
EXCUSE me?
GIRL#2
Don't you think there's a better way to do things than arguing all the time?
GIRL#1
So I argue all the time, huh?
GIRL#2
Cut it out! It's just that…sometimes I think we should be focusing on other things.
Girl#1 and Girl#2 move closer together.
GIRL#1
(sultry voice)
Like what?
GIRL#2
Like each other.
Girl#1 and Girl#2 close in for a kiss, and right before it happens, the camera cuts away to Martin. Martin looks to his right and sees a man with his mouth agape, spellbound. He looks to his left and sees a man loosening his belt and reaching his hand into his pants. Martin covers his face with one hand, slides lower in his chair, and looks back at the screen. Everyone in the auditorium begins to clap.
FADE TO BLACK.
MC
…And now, ladies and gentlemen…the moment you’ve all been waiting for.
INT-AUDITORIUM-DAY
MC CONT.
The nominess are…In the Penal Colony, directed by Kraven Spader.
Camera shows Kraven Spader sitting with his fingers steepled in front of him, concentrating intensely. Those sitting around him are clapping for him.
MC CONT.
…The Kiss, directed by Martin Moyer.
Camera shows Martin sitting with his hood pulled over his head as those around him clap.
MC CONT.
…And Ear Lovin, by Norris Poobie.
Camera shows an elderly man wearing an eye-patch, with an oxygen tank sitting next to him, running up to his nose through a transparent tube. CUT TO: MC behind the podium opening the envelope.
MC CONT.
And this year's award for best new porn-director goes to…Martin Moyer!
Martin pulls his hood back little by little, looking around. Those around him urge him up to the stage. He stands up, and walks up to the podium, looking all around him. He accepts the award from the MC.
MARTIN
Gee, thanks. I don't know what to say. I'm grateful, but I really don't deserve this. I'm not really a porn-director.
Martin walks away from the podium, but before he can make it offstage, someone pulls him backstage.
STRANGER
Com'ere for a second. I'd like to talk to ya. That was fantastic. It's like you've created a whole new sub-category of porn. Softcore can't even touch it. Do you have a contract with anyone?
MARTIN
I had one with McGrendahl, but that was just a one-time deal.
STRANGER
Come back into the green-room with me. I wanna talk business.
INT-GREEN ROOM-CONTINUOS
Martin walks back into the green-room with the Stranger. The green-room is a decadent party scene filled with people. Martin walks by a man surrounded by girls, snorting lines of coke off a mirror.
COKE-SNORTER
(finishing a line)
Hey…Martin. Have a line.
Martin sits down with the Coke-Snorter and the Stranger pours him a glass of liquor.
STRANGER
That's all you Marty.
Martin snorts the line, then takes several gulps of the drink, and McGrendahl emerges on the scene with a drink in his hand and a girl on his arm.
McGRENDAHL
(slurred)
Martin, I don't know what the hell that was, but it's creating one hell of a buzz out there.
STRANGER
(refilling Martin's glass)
Martin, I really would like to talk to you.
The room begins to spin. Girl#2 waves at Martin from across the green-room, with an award in her hand.
GIRL#2
(far away)
Martin!
McGRENDAHL
(echoing)
Martin.
STRANGER
(echoing)
Martin.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT-MARTIN'S BEDROOM-DAY
Martin is lying in bed with his clothes on. Kristen is standing in the doorway of his bedroom.
KRISTEN
Martin.
Martin groggily wakes up and clamps a hand to his forehead.
KRISTEN CONT.
Your roommate let me in. Looks like you guys had a rough night.
MARTIN
(confused)
Kristen? What're you doing here?
KRISTEN
We have our presentation today…your roommate let me in.
MARTIN
Huh?
KRISTEN
Class is in fifteen minutes. Are you finished with the project?
MARTIN
Oh, right.
Martin leaps out of bed, then teeters backwards into it again, still drunk. Kristen helps him up, and he grabs the remaining red-case on his dresser, hustling out the door with Kristen.
INT-CLASSROOM-DAY
Martin and Kristen are sitting in the front row of the class. Martin is holding his head in his hand.
PROFESSOR
Our first presentation today is by Kristen Danials. Please pay attention, and no talking.
Off-screen Martin's porn-video begins to roll, and all that is heard is Girl#1 talking dirty to Girl#2. The class begins cheering and clapping with a standing ovation. Kristen's face turns bright red, and Martin just tries to hide his face more under his hand. Kristen gets up and rushes out of frame.
EXT-OUTSIDE BUILDING-DAY
Kristen rushes out the door. A few seconds later Martin rushing through the door after her.
MARTIN
Kristen, wait!
KRISTEN
How could you do this to me?!
MARTIN
Wait! There was a mix-up!
KRISTEN
A MIX-UP! You're a porn-director, aren’t you! I should have known!
MARTIN
No, listen! I'm not a porn-director!
KRISTEN
I've heard that one before!
MARTIN
Kristen, just…
Martin stops Kristen and grabs her arms, kissing her. The kiss happens in slow-motion, with swelling background music….then Kristen pushes away from Martin.
KRISTEN
What the fuck are you doing?!
MARTIN
I thought…
KRISTEN
You thought what?...You could kiss anyone you want without their consent?
MARTIN
But you’re my girlfriend.
KRISTEN
Girlfriend?! I just hung out with you a few times!
Two FRAT BOYS wander into frame, watching the argument take place.
MARTIN
Hung out with me?! What was all that bullshit about wanting to spend more time with me?
KRISTEN
To work on the project!
MARTIN
You never even asked to see it!
KRISTEN
I didn’t think you were make a porno!
MARTIN
I didn’t plan on it, but this guy named McGrendahl—
KRISTEN
Don McGrendahl?!
MARTIN
Yeah.
KRISTEN
You’re working with that scum-bag?! Get away from me!
FRAT BOY#1
Leave the girl alone, buddy.
MARTIN
(to Frat Boy#1)
Stay out of this!
Kristen begins leaving with the Frat Boys. One of them puts their arm around her.
KRISTEN
(to Martin)
Never speak to me again!
FRAT BOY#2
Better listen to her.
MARTIN
Just you wait: in twenty years I’m gonna be a great Hollywood director, and you’re gonna be nobody!
KRISTEN
(turning back)
In twenty years, you’re still going to be a sleazy porn-director!
CUT TO:
INT-MEETING ROOM-DAY
ONSCREEN TEXT: 1 WEEK LATER
Martin is sitting in a room with a STUDIO-EXECUTIVE from a well-known major studio.
STUDIO-EXECUTIVE
So, Martin…we’ve heard many good things about you here at the studio, and we believe you may be the right man for our next full feature movie.
MARTIN
Sounds great! What kind of movie is it?
STUDIO-EXECTIVE
My company would like to be the first major studio to do a big-budget all-star-cast porno.
Martin's jaw drops in disappointment.
STUDIO-EXECUTIVE CONT.
(smiling)
We already have Nicholas Cage signed on…you game?
The Studio-Executive slides a contract toward Martin.
MARTIN
(disappointed)
I thought you wanted me to direct a REAL movie.
STUDIO-EXECUTIVE
Well, we were going to hire a Mr. Spader to direct it, but since you're the best new porn-director in the industry, we thought that you could be our guy.
MARTIN
Yeah, but I'm not a porn…whatever.
Martin signs the contract.
ROLL CREDITS.
December 4, 2006.